Hugging at work: do or don't?

Side-hugging one of my favorite friends (who also happens to be a coworker :).

This week amidst all the engagement congratulations from my colleagues, I discovered an uncertainty in the world of work-force etiquette: should one hug coworkers? I have never floundered on this topic before. There always seemed to be a natural divide between who I should or should not hug.  Coworkers have typically fallen into one of two categories when it comes to this issue:  1) The Work-Friends: those peers who are typically at my level with whom I am very comfortable and share personal life happenings.  This category of coworkers is not  in question: of course I hug them. 2) The Higher-Ups: These are the Partners or Executive Directors with whom I usually have a strictly professional relationship which does not involve the discussion of too many personal details. Naturally, we don't hug. 

Despite my neatly bucketed groupings, this week I discovered that there is another class, the In-Betweeners.  It is this category of colleagues that has left me confused about my position on hugging in the workplace. I had this revelation last week when one particularly sweet female Senior Manager heard that I had gotten engaged, and approached me to congratulate.  As she leaned in toward me, I thought she was coming in for a side-hug.  I returned the gesture and leaned in as well.  It turned out, however, that she was not going for a hug, but rather a mere patting of my arm. I mistook her arm-pat for a hug-to-be, and my natural reaction was to retract my hug which was hanging mid-air, and act like I was just going in for a mutual arm-patting.  This resulted in even more awkwardness. Picture two professional accountant-types standing side by side, each patting the other's arm simultaneously. Point made.

All of this happened in just a few seconds, so I'm sure the In-Betweener Senior Manager didn't notice. I noticed, though. And it has remained in my mind since. It left me in an abyss of confusion, questioning my stance on these ever-important questions: Am I not supposed to hug coworkers? Should I only hug certain levels of people? How can I gauge whether I am really going to receive a hug or if the person is leaning in for some other less-affectionate gesture?  As a result, for the rest of that day last week when any colleague approached me in congratulations, I did not go in for the big one unless I was ABSOLUTELY certain they too were looking to hug.  

What do you all think? Is it appropriate to hug coworkers with whom you are not close friends? Is there a way to unmuddle these murky worky waters? Have you ever had a similar experience? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

P.S. - A few pieces I found across the web on the topic...

Art of hugging coworkers

Yahoo Finance

MSN careers

happy worker

Claim to FAME

I am going to be a movie star.  I'm serious.

Okay, I'll give you the details so you can decide exactly how seriously to take me and how excited to be (as in, should you start planning when you'll get my autograph, or should you just stop reading now?). Last Thursday, a human resources woman at work asked me if I'd be interested in being in a marketing film for our company about inclusiveness and diversity. Umm HELLO! Doesn't she know me?! Of course I would! HR Lady told me that she wasn't 100% certain they would need me for the film, but she'd submit my name and would let me know.  I spent the rest of the day in suspense, not getting any work done as I envisioned my BIG BREAK and how I would be discovered and where I would display my Oscars. So what that this was only a corporate marketing video to eventually be viewed by my own colleagues and potentially some college recruits.  This thing still had fame-potential all over it. I was all in.

As of the end of Thursday I hadn't heard back from HR Lady, so my enthusiasm lost a little steam.  Now don't be mis-led. I still made sure I looked super cute (by my standards) Friday morning so I could be ready for my close-up (see self pic below).  As soon I got to the office Friday morning I saw an email in my inbox with the subject line: "Film shoot" Alas! My new life in the spotlight was beginning!  So long to boring emails containing subject lines like "New York state tax return for review" and HELLO to glamazon correspondence! Surely this was the first of many such an email.  In my mind's eye I began seeing emails flooding my inbox with subjects of "Film rehearsal 5PM tonight - location change" and "Wardrobe meeting/script read-through schedules announced."  I digress.

The email contained the logistics of the filming, and the questions I would have to answer on camera:

1) How are you diverse and how does this help you bring a unique perspective to the table?

2) How do you feel included at work?

3) How do you make others feel included?

Basic enough. I got some input from my parents and a coworker on question #1 but the second two were pretty straightforward. Easy cheesy. Nonethleless I spent most of the day preparing for my scene...umm.. I mean interview (did I say that out loud?).  I typed up my scripted, paragraph-long responses and rehearsed them at my desk for much of the day, creepily murmuring my lines to myself.  Luckily most people were out of the office celebrating post April 15th glory (whoop! no more busy season, birtches!), so they were not subjected to my monologues.  But even if they had been there, I would not have been ashamed.  I had to be perfect.  Flawless.

Finally, 4:15PM, the designated filming time, arrived.  I went with a few other girls up to the set (a.k.a. our corporate cafeteria).  The crew was still setting up, so we were sent back to our cubicles to wait in apprehension for another 20 minutes.  I tried to distract myself by doing menial administrative tasks, but I couldn't get my mind off of my impending BIG BREAK.  20 minutes passed and the posse of future actress/accountants headed back up to the cafeteria.

The woman spearheading the operation, Shannon, told us that she just wanted one-sentence answers to each of the questions.  What?! I had prepared at least a paragraph for each, and my thoughtful answers could not be condensed to a mere few words at this last minute.  I started scrambling in my brain. A real actress could improvise and think on her feet.  But I couldn't do it. None of my answers seemed to make sense when just blurted out in one short sentence.  Maybe I wasn't cut out for this acting thing after all.

As luck would have it, some relief came.  Shannon let us know that the moderator would actually only be asking us each one question, not all three. Pheww! And she told us we could pick which question we wanted to answer.  Even better!  Now all I had to do was condense one of my paragraph-long answers down to a sentence.  I opted for the 2nd question: "How do you feel included at work?" since it seemed to be the most straight forward and easily answered in a few words.  My answer would be simple: I feel included when I am invited to events, whether it's a happy hour, a client call or an account planning meeting.  No sweat!

When my film time came, Shannon sent me and two other interviewees to the man who would be asking us the questions, and the film crew.  They set us up at a cafe table, facing each other so it looked like we were 'naturally having a conversation.'  The interviewer asked us to each introduce ourselves by stating our name and role at the Company. Then came question time.

Interviewer Man: "Jenny, if you were sitting across from your boss right now, what would you tell him he could do to help you feel more included at work?"

My brain: "No No No... That was NOT the question! The question was "how do I feel included?" not "how can I feel more included?"  Ok, think quick, Stein! .............Got it! Just flip the first few words around but use the same basic answer!"

My mouth: "I would definitely feel more included at work if I were invited to more events like happy hours, client calls and account planning meetings."

My brain: "CRAPPPPPP! I sound like a friendless alcoholic!!!!"

That definitely did not go how I planned. So, I tried to reason with the Interviewer Man: "I didn't really like my answer. Can I do it again?"  Interviewer Man: "No no, it was perfect. It was great!"  Blast!

So now, my dear readers and friends (but mostly family members who I beg to read my blog), my big break will be me, on a corporate marketing video to be to potentially be displayed in front of 152,000 employees at various events and I sound like a recluse outcast with a drinking problem.

Awesome.

April Fools

I know, I know. It's not April 1st. I'm not talking about that kind of April Fools. I'm talking about the people who spend March and the 1st half of April working hard all in the name of government revenue-generation.  I'm talking about tax accountants.  Every year tax season comes around and I wonder why I'm doing this to myself again. Yes, my friends, I am an April Fool!

This March marks my 5th tax season at a big accounting firm in Manhattan. In honor of this grand time of year, I wanted to take you on a walk down memory lane of tax seasons that have come before via snippets from journals past.  Things have definitely improved (I no longer take pictures with tax returns, or see the likes of my office past 10PM), but it still STINKS!  I have finally learned that I despise working more than 40.1 hours per week.  Alas, I digress.  Please read on so you too can get a glimmer of busy season for yourself :) 

March 15, 2008 - "This week went by kind of fast which is good I guess. Only four more weeks of busyness. Each week is like a new round in a boxing match and I only have about 5 minutes to rest up for each one... but a good thing about this season is that I really appreciate every minute of freedom."

My first busy season, March 2008. 

March 9, 2009 - "It's been a while since I've written because it's busy season. And it's going fine. Nothing unbearable. We've only done 3 weekends, but they've been relatively chill. I've had a few dreams about work stuff. I  haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks but I'm not being too hard on myself about it. I'm mostly enjoying the days. I love the people I work with and the new staff. We laugh a lot and "ice skate" in the office at night :) My signature moves is the sit-spin."

Tax returns I worked long and hard at preparing my first tax season. 

March 28, 2009 - "It's 2AM and I just got home from work. I've worked the last 20 days straight without a day off. This week I stayed 'til about 1AM every night.  I'm glad it's almost over!"

Yes, I took picture of the returns! I thought they looked cool against the building shapes.

February 24, 2010 - [A poem I wrote before work]...

Morning rainy makes me tired; need my coffee to get wired.
Once I leave here can't turn back; I just want to hit the sack!
Quiet's good, I need some more; That is what this morning's for.
City noises just outside, but in here's where I reside.
Safe and warm I'll stay inside.

Ok, fine, it's time to go; off to work, let's start this show.
Hit the sidewalk, shiny wet; It's still raining, wanna bet?
Time to go, alright I'm set!

March 7, 2011 - "Just got home from work and I feel like I'm physically carrying a little work stress that I need to let go of."




March 15, 2011 - "I feel like I want to stop everything and run away. Go somewhere sunny and not have an accounting job."

Did you ever want to run away and do something else?

Great Escapes

Tonight I found myself daydreaming about one of these tropical water bungalows.  It must be the extra long work hours of busy tax season (it's getting to me -- I cried at work today!), the dark cold of winter (though I did enjoy today's 68 degree respite), or thinking ahead to my Florida visit in April.  Either way, my body is in New York, but my mind is in the Maldives.

I invite you all to take a mental vacation with me.  Sweet dreams :)  

We WORK . . .

. . .  And take afternoon coffee breaks with our actor-friends.

(me in work lobby yesterday during quick coffee break with Matt my roommate)

That's all. Short and Sweet today. Like Me. 

(Don't worry: there will be longer posts in the future about work and coffee, I'm sure.)

We All Want to be on Broadway (or some kind of stage)

Before I came to New York I had a vision in my mind that I would use my accounting job as a way to break into the city and pay rent while auditioning to become a dancer.  Accountant by day, dancer by night. That was the goal.

4 years later, I'm an accountant by day and (wait for it, wait for it) sometimes......an accountant by night! Whomp whomp. Such is the life of a CPA.  Although I didn't become the famous dancer I initially thought I might, I did make some half-hearted (or 3/4-hearted) attempts to pursue a career (or at least a part-time, low-paying gig) in dance.  I auditioned... for 2 Broadway shows, 2 professional sports teams, a random music video, and a small unknown film.

That's something New Yorkers do. We audition for things, because we can (there's always something being filmed), because we want to be in the limelight (with millions of people around, you'll always have an audience), and because it's the concrete jungle where dreams are made of (sing it, Keys!)

In chronological order of appearance, my dates with dance on the NYC stage..

1) The Pulse gala, pre-move to NY, circa summer 2007. The Pulse is an amazing dance convention put on by Broadway Dance Center. I sent in a video audition to be in the special intensive program led by Brian Friedman, dancer/choreographer extraordinaire. We spent 3 grueling days learning 3 routines from Brian and performed them in front of an audience of several hundred, which also happened to include some other choreographers (Laurie Ann Gibson, Tyce Diorio, etc).  This gave me a little taste of what dancing in NYC would be like...

(for more info on the Pulse, check out:  http://www.thepulseontour.com/... I highly recommend it :)

2) Knicks City Dancer auditions - July 2008.  Made it past the first cut (from about 300 down to 150 beautiful, talented girls).  

(the MSG.com cameraman recording my reaction to my performance. "Pretend I'm not here." Really??)

(my parentals and Matt E. came to support me [Matt, how do we not have photos of us this day???]. It was pretty cool to dance on the court of Madison Square Garden, even if just for a day.)

3) Sex & the City II -  August 2009.  If "auditioning" can be defined as playing hooky from work, dressing up as "trendy New Yorkers", and waiting in line for a few hours before prancing up to a table of judges so they can take a picture and dismiss you in 5 minutes or less, I auditioned for Sex and the City II to be an extra.  Me, Matt, Laura and her adorable son Noah made an event of this. And we met some fun strangers along the way.  Good times :)

4) Little Mermaid, Central Park live.  Summer 2009.  Since my dance/acting career wasn't panning out as planned, I took actions into my own hands and held an independent performance in Central Park. When I become famous, you can all post this on Youtube and say you knew me then :)  (Note: if you're not my Facebook friend, you may not be able to access this link. Sorrs!)

Little Mermaid

5) Chorus Line and West Side Story on Broadway.  Fall 2009. I put my Little Mermaid skills to use and decided to crack down and take a voice lesson to equip myself for a real live Broadway audition.  My biggest fear of an actual Broadway audition was the fact that I knew I'd have to sing.  So, I decided to stop making excuses and sign up for voice lessons to conquer that fear. I went to an amazing vocal coach, Bob Marks (check him out:  http://www.bobmarks.com/cms/) to get prepared for these 2 auditions.  Bob was fabulous.. he didn't judge me (at least not to my face), but gave me encouragement, practice and techniques to prep me.  We chose the song "Part of your world" from the Little Mermaid. How appropriate :) I made my roommate/friend Jill listen to me over and over. God bless her soul!  Anyway, I never even made it past the first rounds to show off my new-found singing skills, but it was an experience nonetheless :)

6) Jets Flight Crew. Summer 2010. My amazing boyfriend Matt drove me and my college dance friend to Fairleigh Dickinson University for two long days of try-outs. We both made it past the first cut, but sadly didn't get to the finals. It was a great day though, filled with hairspray and shattered dreams. :) (again, if you're not my FB friend you might not get to see the video).

jets flight crew

So, although it's kind of sad that I didn't succeed at any of these auditions or at becoming a professional dancer, I became a little braver by putting myself out there on the big stages of NYC.  Who knows? Maybe it's never too late and you may see me on the big screen yet :)

When have you done something you were afraid of?  What's a dream you think it may be too late to pursue? And what are you going to do about it?

xoxo