Hugging at work: do or don't?

Side-hugging one of my favorite friends (who also happens to be a coworker :).

This week amidst all the engagement congratulations from my colleagues, I discovered an uncertainty in the world of work-force etiquette: should one hug coworkers? I have never floundered on this topic before. There always seemed to be a natural divide between who I should or should not hug.  Coworkers have typically fallen into one of two categories when it comes to this issue:  1) The Work-Friends: those peers who are typically at my level with whom I am very comfortable and share personal life happenings.  This category of coworkers is not  in question: of course I hug them. 2) The Higher-Ups: These are the Partners or Executive Directors with whom I usually have a strictly professional relationship which does not involve the discussion of too many personal details. Naturally, we don't hug. 

Despite my neatly bucketed groupings, this week I discovered that there is another class, the In-Betweeners.  It is this category of colleagues that has left me confused about my position on hugging in the workplace. I had this revelation last week when one particularly sweet female Senior Manager heard that I had gotten engaged, and approached me to congratulate.  As she leaned in toward me, I thought she was coming in for a side-hug.  I returned the gesture and leaned in as well.  It turned out, however, that she was not going for a hug, but rather a mere patting of my arm. I mistook her arm-pat for a hug-to-be, and my natural reaction was to retract my hug which was hanging mid-air, and act like I was just going in for a mutual arm-patting.  This resulted in even more awkwardness. Picture two professional accountant-types standing side by side, each patting the other's arm simultaneously. Point made.

All of this happened in just a few seconds, so I'm sure the In-Betweener Senior Manager didn't notice. I noticed, though. And it has remained in my mind since. It left me in an abyss of confusion, questioning my stance on these ever-important questions: Am I not supposed to hug coworkers? Should I only hug certain levels of people? How can I gauge whether I am really going to receive a hug or if the person is leaning in for some other less-affectionate gesture?  As a result, for the rest of that day last week when any colleague approached me in congratulations, I did not go in for the big one unless I was ABSOLUTELY certain they too were looking to hug.  

What do you all think? Is it appropriate to hug coworkers with whom you are not close friends? Is there a way to unmuddle these murky worky waters? Have you ever had a similar experience? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

P.S. - A few pieces I found across the web on the topic...

Art of hugging coworkers

Yahoo Finance

MSN careers

happy worker

Rules of Engagement

As a new fiancé, naturally I am now the expert on the perfect proposal.  If you are expecting (or hoping for) an engagement in the imminent future, you may want to check out these top 5 rules for him and for her:

For the Bride-to-Be (the Proposee):

1. Do shower and look pretty. When your man-love tells you to pack an overnight bag, definitely shower and freshen up before venturing to the undisclosed spot.  Even if he tells you that you look fine, do not listen!  Take your own advice (and mine) and get a shower before you go to the surprise location.  Of course your man loves you no matter how you look (duh! he's about to propose!), but you will feel better and prettier if you smell and look your best :)

2. Do not try to guess surprises.  Even if you suspect an engagement is upon you, do not try to anticipate every move. Allow me to illustrate.  On Saturday, after Fiance-Matt (ahh!) told me that we were going away for the night to an undisclosed destination, we hopped in a cab.  At this point I had an inkling of what was going to happen. I thought I heard the cab driver say to Matt, "Are you going to where Tim Tebow is?  You look like him."  My heart both dropped and skipped a beat:  suddenly I thought we were not going to get engaged, but rather Matt was surprising me by taking me to meet Tim Tebow, which would be both terribly disappointing (no proposal) and also a little exciting (meet Timmy Teebs!).  Or, maybe we'd have the best of both worlds and we would meet Tim Tebow and then get engaged! Or maybe Tim Tebow would deliver the ring to me? My mind was racing, and so was my mouth.  I asked Matt, "Are we going to meet Tim Tebow???" over and over again, ignoring his denials.  It turns out the cabbie actually said, "Do you know who Tim Tebow is?" not "Are you going to where Tim Tebow is?" Leave it alone. Tim Tebow is not involved in your engagement.

3. Do say "yes" (not "of course"). Self-explanatory :)

4. Do pack toothpaste. You do not want your first kiss as an engaged lady to be breathy.  You may not know your engagement is upon you, so always travel with a mini toothpaste.

5. Do not forget to call any of your close friends or family members before posting a public announcement to Facebook, Twitter, etc.

For the Husband-to-Be (the Proposer):

1. Do wake your woman up the morning of the proposal with the best snuggles ever and extra loving kisses.  It will prime her for the day of love ahead, and believe me she will notice (I did).

2. Do propose in a way that is unique to your lady.  For example, if you know your wifey-to-be loves coffee and fire, find a way to incorporate fireplaces and coffee  :).

3. Do come up with an adorable nickname for your new fiancé (i.e., Fiance-la-vie :)

4. Do tell all strangers you encounter that you just got engaged. Even if they don't care.  Your woman will love that you want all the world to know.

5. Do enjoy it. Even if things don't go exactly as planned, just know it doesn't matter. It is perfect anyway.  She now has you... FOREVER!

For both him and her: Do savor the moment. It will hopefully only happen once, and you will want to have soaked every ounce of joy from it.